Monday, March 22, 2010


offending you is not my intention.

Today, it rained. 
Normally I don't entirely enjoy the rain but today, I loved it. 
I spent my day sitting in my unusually clean bedroom with the window cracked open, listening to the rain and Modest Mouse. I think Modest Mouse should add the sound of rain to the background of all their songs. I ignored the computer apart from the minute I took to look up papier mache recipes but ended up painting my ceiling fan.. although I only got two fan blades done and the one, I think, is fucking ugly. Today, I felt at peace and carefree. I didn't straighten my hair and I purposely back-combed it with the addition of three tiny braids and a plastic yellow bow barrette from when I was probably five. I did not put mascara on my bottom lashes and I applied extra tacky pink blush and to be honest with you, I felt beautiful. It's been a while since I've really felt that way. Today my boyfriend came over and laid in my bed with me while the breeze coming through the window blew my curtains in towards the room. And today, when he said I looked beautiful, I really heard him. He looked cute today, he shaved his mustache. He looked like a little boy again. It made me happy. We were both happy.
I really cannot wait for summer, although, I'm sure I'll be trying to catch up on school. But I can't wait to take a road trip up to the cabin and smell the woods and step foot in the lake surrounded by walls of pine trees that make me feel safe and stay up late around the campfire burning marshmallows and watching leaves disintegrate and listening to owls at night and doves in the morning when I wake up and the smell of dew is in the air and the woods are still and motionless and if I stand still in them long enough I feel like I'm standing in a room plastered with woods pattern wallpaper until the sounds of trees swaying in the wind come back into my ears. 
I cannot wait to go to the ocean and hear the waves and look out over the vast expanse of water and hear the gulls and smell that rotten yet fresh salty water smell and search for shells like I did when I was little and didn't understand the world. 
I just cannot wait any longer. 
The future is too bright. 
I really need to go to a flea market soon. I've been wanting to find some ornate, gaudy, antique picture frames. I think they'll inspire me to make more art. 
Sorry for the long post. I just have so much on my mind and I felt like writing. 

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